Is it a good thing or a bad thing to be told that? I promise that I won't post about dieting or weight loss for another month, but I had to make it really clear that I won't be applying for the show.
Ever.
Truthfully, I have never seen the show until today. I watched it on Oxygen or something and was absolutely horrified by what I saw! These are the reasons I won't be joining the other chubby bunnies at 'The Ranch'.
1. I wouldn't be caught DEAD let alone ALIVE in spandex biker shorts and a sports bra on National TV. Just the thought conjures up a horrible, horrible visual, even to me.
2. When all of America becomes blind and deaf, I will allow my weight to be broadcast, on National TV. I don't have a friend good enough to tell my weight to, why in the samh%#@ would I want 40,000,000 strangers to know? And if I did, there might be a "celebrity sighting" of me... like... in some place...say... like... Disneyland. Which would totally suck because the stalker might actually say my stats out loud. And then I'd have to give autographs to my public and my life would no longer be MINE, it would belong to all of America. Why, someone might expect me to be a role model. (But I absolutely guarantee that there are NO bong pictures of me, maybe a few with a bad perm in the 70's, but no bong.)
3. When they brought me my dinner of chicken pieces the size of dice, 2 grapes, 3 brussel sprouts and a saltine, I'd be sad. No...more than sad...I'd be ticked. And then when they told me to "eat up...that's it until tomorrow morning!!!!" (14 hours later) I would probably shamelessly try to steal saltines and brussel sprouts from the other people. I have no shame, hunger trumps all feelings of good will.
4. When the sun comes up and I report for breakfast and they tell me...."Okay you can eat after you lift that chest freezer full of beef and carry it 2 miles" or "pull that Grand Piano over the course of a 1/2 marathon and then you can eat your breakfast of Tofu, prunes and 1/4 of a piece of dry toast. I might lose it, just might lose it BIG TIME. Which technically WOULD make me the biggest loser.
5. And then there's Bob. Bob. I have the sneaky feeling that Bob and I probably wouldn't get along. I would have serious problems with Bob telling me to do 100 squats with 50 lbs of wheat on each shoulder followed by 2 hours on the treadmill set at 10 and a 20% incline, then followed by 400 scrunches. When I passed out and he slapped me around to wake me up and nose-to-nose screamed at me..."Come on!! You can do it!! Believe in yourself...!! How much do you want this....Don't you want this?"
"No," I would say..."I'm outta here!!!" I admit it, I'd be a total failure, I would cut and run.
But if someone wanted to nominate me for "What not to Wear..." I'm all in.
17 comments:
That show makes me hungry.
You dress way too cute for WNTW.
Loving your new blog background.
how about "last comic standing" because seriously, you kill me.
This had me laughing my head off!
If I were ever on the Biggest Loser I would be mortified if someone saw me having a feast...you know, if I was taking a day off...everyone is entitled to a feast once in a while...but, you I would be under surveillance for the rest of my life. *shudder*
Great post. What about Jillian? I think I would not like her cussing at me.
You are nowhere NEAR what those people are on the show. Punch whoever told you to apply. Seriously.
I totally agree with you!
AMEN!
And who told you to apply? I want names & addresses...
That's like walking past the weight loss kiosk in the mall. I swear if they say anything to me, they'll be luck I don't knock their heads off. :)
People really suggest you be on the biggest loser? And you stil talk to them?
What is the motivation for that show,anyway? Do the people get paid a bunch of money?
You offered me those delish brownies on Saturday night to take home and I'm kicking myself that I didn't take them.
You are way too cute for What Not to Wear!
I actually applied to be on the show with my little brother. We didn't get in, but that was a good thing cuz I ended up being pregnant. I have since changed my mind and I don't want to be on the show ever!
i don't think i'd want to wear spandex on national tv either ;)
You are darling and thank you for stopping by our blog! I was looking at your list of favorite movies and your first three are on my list also not too mention funny girl and terms of endearment (all depressing!)
We are drawing names out of a hat so you just might get those earrings girl!
Let's do WNTW together, 2 fat chicks go chic, sounds good?
I agree with the consensus...you're too cute for Clinton and Stacy. You're too skinny for Bob. Why don't you just go on Price is Right and win an RV?
I don't know how those women do it. Back fat exposed for all the world to see! NO, thank you. Besides, you're not NEARLY big enough for that show...those women are LARGE.
The biker shorts and spandex sports bra are the main reasons why you will NEVER, NEVER, EVER, see me on that show. (shudder) And Jillian... I despise that woman. I'm afraid I would have to deck her scrawny (sp?) @!s.
I'm afraid of the mean people on What Not to Wear. I might assault them.
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