I've got my butt covered...

Do you own some of these?

My "good" friend Rachel talked me into buying a pair of these. She promised that they would "smooth" me out. She neglected to tell me that I would be gasping for air just putting them on and probably will die from the lack of oxygen while wearing them. This is modern day torture, which I thought had been internationally outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

For your information, SPANX were designed to change lives. Good to know. Oprah loves them, in fact, she doesn't wear undies any more, only SPANX. That's a selling point for me, if they are good enough for the O, they're good enough for me. Yep, they are known for being able to dramatically improve my bottom line.

They are guaranteed to reshape your body. This is exactly how I want my body to be shaped.

If it is squeezing and reshaping...where does everything go?

And....Bra-le-llujiah!! There is a new SPANX which virtually eliminates VBL!
What? You ask...
"What is VBL?"
Visible Bra Lines. Let's not forget their nasty cousin, VPL, visible panty lines.
It's a miracle I tell you. A miracle.

And to avoid the flat, uni-butt look that many shapers give your backside, Slim-Cognito offers "The Great Divide." You won't feel the subtle butt separator, but the natural perky shape won't be lost on those behind you.

Be sure to be watching for pictures of me at the wedding with my newly shaped, smoothed and faux toned body.

Bod-a-bing!!

P.S. I think I might have a dress.