What was I thinking?

What was I thinking? I admit it. I LOVE junk food; and unfortunately my endomorphic body types testifies of it.I have always heard that if you want to acheive a goal, you write it down. As every other American woman (or I daresay ANY woman, American or not) does, I made a goal to lose weight this year. For the 30th time. Isn't that the charm?I wrote my first steps on the white board on the fridge (fitting!).

My lovely daughter Lauren is always trying to "encourage" me in my yearly goal setting. Usually it comes out in a disgusted, fed-up way like: "stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself, just do something about it!" Sensitivity is not one of Lauren's great strengths. She has MANY strengths, however sensitivity towards her mother is NOT one of them, she lacks that gene. (Love you Lo.)

SO...Sunday night I wrote on the white board:

NO OREO'S:

Oreos are my modern day manna. I could eat them every day, three times a day, five times if you count snacking. I love them dunked in milk, crumbled in ice cream, crushed in a shake, enrobed in chocolate.

I love them, I love them, I love them.

NO SUGAR: CHOCOLATE

Well, I can tell you right now, this one is not going to last. Chocolate is one of my personal four food groups. (Potatoes, meat, chocolate and Diet Pepsi).I always say that if you were to cut me open I would bleed brown carbonation, the brown color comes from chocolate, which I can eat in tremendous amounts. (Not bragging, just fact) Chocolate flows through my veins, it is my lifeblood, it is essential. As the rain and sunshine is to life, so is chocolate to me. That was a dumb thing to write on the white board. Ain't gonna happen.

NO FAST FOOD:

Nothing thrills me more than not having to clean up dishes. Hence my love of fast food. Plus, it is just SO danged convenient!!! And for the most part, delicious. I mean, I can not fry chicken like KFC. I can not make a juicy burger like In-N-Out, or fries that good either. I can not do a chicken quesadilla like Taco Bell.Therefore, fast food is necessary. I do feel bad that my children are also addicted, although I will lay some of that blame squarely at Byron's feet, he does enjoy a hot dog at Wienerschnitzel and actually drives 25 minutes to get one! I digress, this is my "diet" after all! I will always have a soft spot in my heart for drive-throughs...the National Institute of Health says that fast food is a largely very American. And I might say that I am a patriotic American if I am anything. So God Bless America and the flag... may it wave over the free and the brave and the hungry and lazy!!

NO CHIPS:

This is really a "what was I thinking?" Chips are a part of the four essential food groups. (See above). Eating chips and dip is like having a party in your mouth. Flavors and textures all dancing together, plus there's salt!! I am partial to potato chips, but corn chips like Fritos and Doritos are good also, you know, corn is a vegetable. Plus did you know that Lay's are made in different flavors in different countries? Japan has shrimp and Wasabi. India has curry flavored Lays, the Phillipines has pineapple flavored chips, how cool is that?! So eating chips es muy internacional!! It is Glasnost at its' finest, a way for all the countries of the world to bond in a peaceful way. So, I think giving up chips is basically un-american so I won't be doing it.

I think the bottom line here is that I wasn't thinking this through properly. On the other hand, realistically some dumb boy is going to sweep the lovely Lauren off her feet and to the temple. I had better start preparing for the pictures. Lauren, this sacrifice is for you! So here is my new and improved list:

ONLY A FEW OREOS

ONLY A LITTLE CHOCOLATE DAILY

FAST FOOD ON AN AS NEEDED BASIS
ONLY A FEW CHIPS NOW AND THEN

See? I can cut back, I can sacrifice. BUT, one thing you will never see on the white board...?

Diet Pepsi