Facing your parents' mortality

This is one of those serious, 'for my posterity' posts.

I remember the first time I met Byron's mom, it was in my freshman year of high school; I was living in a foster home in Livermore and she was my new Seminary teacher. I was a little thing then, with bad glasses, crooked teeth and not a bit of self confidence. I blended into the walls of the classroom.

Seven years later I came home with my boyfriend Byron, his mom didn't remember me at all. That was really okay with me because by then I was a totally different person. Byron's mom and I got along really well from the start. Oh, we've had our ups and downs, bumps and bruises along the way, but all families do, don't they? Mom has treated me as a daughter all these years and I have truly learned much from my very talented, very generous, very kind mother in law.

Through the years she has loved my children fiercely. When I would get exasperated with them, she would love them more. She has prayed for them constantly. She has worried for us. When my mother was ill and dying, she and Dad got up at 6:00 am to drive me to Modesto because it was stormy and I was too upset to drive. We have eaten many, many a scrumptious dinner at her house, spent hours and hours in her yard, we have taken trips together, we have laughed together and she has provided a great legacy for our family by making a scrapbook for each grandchild as well as writing a 500 page Genealogy book of her family.

Yesterday morning I got a call from Dad. Mom had woken up very confused and couldn't seem to remember anything and speaking was difficult. He told me that he was taking her to the emergency room and he was just calling so I would know. As I hung up the phone I was overwhelmed with feelings of concern thnking it sounded like a stroke. I left work a few minutes later and went to the hospital. As I walked into the room his face lit up and Mom just smiled. As the day went on and one by one medical conditions such as a stroke or heart attack were ruled out, it became evident that she was getting worse and worse. Byron came, then his sister, then his brother and his wife, each of us whispering to each other our fears and worries. By the end of the evening we knew that she was in renal failure and very 'loopy'. A complete change in her body and mind in less than 24 hours, an acute onset of systems. What happened? It was difficult to leave and go home that night, none of us slept well.

Today it was confirmed that her kidneys have shut down and she will start dialysis tomorrow. But wasn't isn't clear at all is the fog in her head. She barely can speak and when she does, it is out of context. The kidneys can be managed, but what about her mind? We, her family, are all very worried about Dad. He is the most wonderful man any of us have ever known, unfailingly patient and kind. (He's been Bishop 3 times and Branch President also). But this is something we never thought of facing. What if she doesn't get better? What if the fog never lifts? How will he/they get along?

When my parents passed away, it was devastating for me. They were not my parents genetically, but of my heart. This is also a mother of my heart, the woman who loved and raised my husband and helped make him the man he is. It is difficult to see her so ill. Her blue eyes are brimming with tears as she cannot express herself. I worry about someone who baked 200 cookies on Thursday for her friends' funeral, not being able to take care of herself at all. Our hearts are heavy, our children's hearts are heavy as we all love Grandpa and Grandma so much.

I know there is a God who loves us, cares for us and mourns with us. I know that we each have a plan for our lives and it is for us to say "thy will be done". If this fog and this condition never lifts and we help take care for years to come, then that is what we will do and happily so.