Fold -n- Go Carnival

This is a public service announcement to the mothers of Brentwood:

The 'Fold -n- Go' Carnival is in town down by Centromart. Ladies, resist the urge to take your children to Taco Bell, Jack in the Box or A & W lest they see the "Pac -n- Play' rides and start the incessant begging process. Nothing screams excitement like a Ferris Wheel set up in two hours by a stalwart looking citizen named Ernie Bob with tobacco stained teeth and tattoos up the whazoo. I know that it is the not-so-secret desire of my children to frequent one of these traveling death traps. But it is the one area of their lives that I will completely control. (Well, that's not quite true, I try and control lots more...but it sounded good.)

Not only can I not risk their lives on a ride that is probably missing half a dozen nuts and bolts, but I don't want to take a second mortgage on my home! Have you seen the prices for those rides. Like $5 per ride! $5 for the priviledge of leaving your life in the hands of a carni-dude that probably drinks beer like water and is too inebriated to make a decision. Plus, I wonder what makes one want to do this for a living? Is this best they can do? Are they not smart enough to work somewhere real? "Mama, I don't want to go to Law School, I want to travel the country and sleep in a camper truck and eat corn dogs and fries for the rest of my life." Uh no.

My kids love the arcades at amusement parks. But that is not enough of a draw for me to frequent the Carnie. I DO NOT need one more cheap Scooby Doo or Marvin the Martian in my house. (Although they do come in handy at Christmas when a white elephant gift is needed.)

Speaking of corn dogs, there is ONE good thing about the carnival, fried foods. I would try not to think about health department rules, but doesn't just about anything taste better with a batter on it and lots of oil? I've never tried a deep fried twinkie, oreo, elephant ear or pickle...but I tend to think I would probably love them. In fact there are very few calories I don't love.

Carnies are a little more high class than they used to be. Gone are the bearded ladies and two headed snakes. I remember very distinctly when I was a little girl in Turlock and we drove past a carnival at the Fairgrounds. My brother Mark and I wanted to go with every fiber of our beings. My mother picked that moment to become Mother of the Year and refused. So sadly, I have never seen the lady with her head on backwards or the 18" man. I had my chance, and it was snatched from me. No wonder I am the way I am.

I guess every adult has that one dream that was denied them as a child; mine was a Ferris Wheel in the dark at the county fairgrounds, happily munching on a corn dog in one hand and cotton candy in the other. And if my kids think I'm going to make that dream come true for them, they're freakin' crazy.

****I apologize to any who have relatives that I may have offended in my gross stereotyping, but believe me, I have a few doozies of my own in the family tree.******