Monday, March 10, 2008

Fold -n- Go Carnival

This is a public service announcement to the mothers of Brentwood:

The 'Fold -n- Go' Carnival is in town down by Centromart. Ladies, resist the urge to take your children to Taco Bell, Jack in the Box or A & W lest they see the "Pac -n- Play' rides and start the incessant begging process. Nothing screams excitement like a Ferris Wheel set up in two hours by a stalwart looking citizen named Ernie Bob with tobacco stained teeth and tattoos up the whazoo. I know that it is the not-so-secret desire of my children to frequent one of these traveling death traps. But it is the one area of their lives that I will completely control. (Well, that's not quite true, I try and control lots more...but it sounded good.)
Not only can I not risk their lives on a ride that is probably missing half a dozen nuts and bolts, but I don't want to take a second mortgage on my home! Have you seen the prices for those rides. Like $5 per ride! $5 for the priviledge of leaving your life in the hands of a carni-dude that probably drinks beer like water and is too inebriated to make a decision. Plus, I wonder what makes one want to do this for a living? Is this best they can do? Are they not smart enough to work somewhere real? "Mama, I don't want to go to Law School, I want to travel the country and sleep in a camper truck and eat corn dogs and fries for the rest of my life." Uh no.

My kids love the arcades at amusement parks. But that is not enough of a draw for me to frequent the Carnie. I DO NOT need one more cheap Scooby Doo or Marvin the Martian in my house. (Although they do come in handy at Christmas when a white elephant gift is needed.)
Speaking of corn dogs, there is ONE good thing about the carnival, fried foods. I would try not to think about health department rules, but doesn't just about anything taste better with a batter on it and lots of oil? I've never tried a deep fried twinkie, oreo, elephant ear or pickle...but I tend to think I would probably love them. In fact there are very few calories I don't love.

Carnies are a little more high class than they used to be. Gone are the bearded ladies and two headed snakes. I remember very distinctly when I was a little girl in Turlock and we drove past a carnival at the Fairgrounds. My brother Mark and I wanted to go with every fiber of our beings. My mother picked that moment to become Mother of the Year and refused. So sadly, I have never seen the lady with her head on backwards or the 18" man. I had my chance, and it was snatched from me. No wonder I am the way I am.

I guess every adult has that one dream that was denied them as a child; mine was a Ferris Wheel in the dark at the county fairgrounds, happily munching on a corn dog in one hand and cotton candy in the other. And if my kids think I'm going to make that dream come true for them, they're freakin' crazy.

****I apologize to any who have relatives that I may have offended in my gross stereotyping, but believe me, I have a few doozies of my own in the family tree.******

7 comments:

Christie said...

Those carnivals really freak me out. I can't stop staring at the carni's who work/live there. I think that is where the term "freak show" originated.

Tristan said...

The only good thing about carnivals is the food. I LOVE cotton candy! I haven't taken my children to one yet, but I think we are going to this year. Our little "Irish" CA town, *wink*wink* is having the carnival not this weekend but next. So stay tuned for my carnival post.

Jake said...

Oh I hate them, too. Carnivals bring all the creepy people out of the woodwork.

Heather said...

But the corndogs...ah, the corndogs...

Did you ever see the Simpsons where Homer buys Marge this thing that deep fries and makes cotton candy?

And the lemonade from the guy in the lemon shaped booth who also sells pickles(?!).

Ellie said...

Ooooo I want a deep fried oreo SO BAD.

papa olson said...

I saw them setting up and thought the exact same thing. When AJ gets something in his little mind he won't let it go. The other nite it was some 800 number on Nick at Nite that you were suppose to call to win a trip and he was convinced that he could be the first caller and win...ahh the innocence of a 9 year old!

Ilene said...

I have a cousin who literally ran away with the carnival. She was like 20 or younger, ran off with some carni who was in his 40s... it is a sad story involving a lot of drugs and a couple of pregnancies (luckily she was coherent enough to put the children up for adoption). Just a sad, sad life. Happily, she has ran away from the carnival and is getting her life back together.

Moral of the story: Keep you kids away from carnivals for more than just health hazards.