She's not an insult

Anyone who reads my blog knows my daughter, Rachel. To me, she is beautiful. She has gorgeous dark hair and the darkest brown eyes. Her smile is constant and priceless. She has many talents and has a great future ahead of her, probably better than mine. And, she is retarded and there is nothing wrong with that.

I realize that blogging is supposed to be lighthearted and fun, but sometimes, it can also be a forum for education. 'Retarded' according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is an adjective, a describing word. It means: " slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress". Oxford's defines retarded as: less advanced in mental, physical or social development than is usual for one's age. Lastly, Webster's says almost the same wording and then adds this: "People who are born with severe learning disability and with an IQ lower than --- are called mentally retarded. HOWEVER, the word 'retarded' has been abused as an insult."
(Webster's online Dictionary)

I went out shopping today; on four separate occasions I heard others use the word 'retard' as an insult to someone else. "Hey retard...here's the blue sweater you were looking for...!" "Hey dude, retards like you ..."

This makes me cringe and want to lash out and totally lay into them verbally. My sweet daughter is NOT your insult. Absolutely no one with a disability of any kind enjoys it or wants it. Given a choice I am sure Rachel would pick "normal", I am sure at almost 25 she would want to be married, maybe with a baby, excitedly planning her sister's wedding. She and others like her didn't choose their disabilities; life happens, genetics happen, accidents happen.

I sometimes think of all the wonderfully perfect spirits inside damaged bodies or brains and I wonder, do they understand other people's unkindness? How hard it must be to have a perfect spirit trapped in a body or mind that doesn't work as it should. Why did it become okay to use a medical condition as a slam, a derogatory term, an insult?

We all struggle as parents to teach our kids and there are SO many things that are truly important to teach them. Is how we talk about others one of the really important things? In my house it is. In a world that is increasingly more casual about the value of human life, I think respect for others is slowly going by the wayside. It is perfectly acceptable in today's world to throw really nasty, demeaning words at others.

There are quite a few people who read my blog that have children with some form of disability, I am sad for them for the dreams that won't come true. I am deliriously happy for them at the same time because of all the wonderful lessons and experiences they and their families will learn from their special children. I am also happy for the knowledge that this isn't all there is in the eternal scheme of things.

Have you heard the word "Special "? (Not the Saturday Night Live inflection of the word, but the REAL word.) It means "set apart and above, with extra recognition." Another definition is "extraordinary, exceptional." What fabulous meanings. My daughter and the hundreds of thousands like her are Extraordinary and Special, they are not your favorite insult.

(This blog is aimed at no one but the insensitive louts I heard today. Some days, most days, I don't care and just think them to be ignorant. But today....got my dander up big time.)